My Truth Is The Lies I Tell Myself

If you want to learn my truth
Look into my eyes
You will find nothing
But the self-inflicted lies

If you want to find answers
To questions I haven’t asked
Don’t look towards me
After I’ve taken off the mask

I owe it to myself now
To distinguish the truth and lies
And my inability to do so
Is merely my own choice

Don’t hold it against me
For being unknowing of reality
Because I am unaccepting of my own
Only for the sake of my sanity

In my head everything’s justified
And in my head it’s all okay
To wake up after all this time
And want to run away

Don’t stop me from escaping
Don’t make me face the truth
I’ve given you all I could
Now I leave it up to you

I need to run
I need to find
Someplace safe
Before I lose my mind

I can’t allow myself to believe
That it’s just that easy
And everything is black and white
Isn’t my lie just about me

The lies I tell myself to avoid
Facing the truth of reality
Isn’t about anything else
But living with myself for me

Don’t hold it against me
If I have a moment of weakness
If I undermined every feeling
And turned it into a mess

I don’t claim to know any better
Than my own limited truth
Which is made of lies and facts
To put my thoughts on mute

Let’s call it self-preservation
Because being selfish sounds so harsh
But if I had the strength before
I wouldn’t have spiralled and crashed

I’m not the kind of person
Who can just accept things status quo
So I go above and beyond
To make the truth unknown

I wouldn’t survive being burdened
Down by the weight of the truth
So all I ask today and forevermore
Is don’t ask me to believe it for you

My truth is what I believe
And I may be deluding myself
But it’s only because it’s easier for me
So I stick to the versions I tell

Misinterpreted at every step
Misunderstood as a wont perpetual
Unable to understand for myself
Running away to save my soul

How can I accept that’s who I am
A person so filled with pride
That every mistake just adds up
And shatters my ideals inside

Who wants to be someone
Who constantly lies or denies
Whether to themselves or someone else
Upholding only what’s true in their eyes

But this is how I function
And this is who I am
How much can I justify it
Before my identity becomes a sham

They say life is a journey
That we find purpose in our strides
But to be honest I think that’s overrated
I’d rather just drown with the tide

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